


Linger Longer

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Magnus Bane, magnus bane - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Magnus has been around for a long time. When he was a child, there was a star that he always looked for with his mother in the sky at night. It was their star. Now in the present, the star is fading and with it the last happy physical memory he has of his mother.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Magnus Bane's Mother, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 48
Kudos: 124
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Linger Longer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skylar102](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar102/gifts).



> Prompt from [Morgan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar102): “Magnus has been around for a long time. When he was a child, there was a star that he always looked for with his mother in the sky at night. It was their star. Now in the present, the star is fading and with it the last happy physical memory he has of his mother.”

Magnus stands on the roof, much like he has every night for the past two weeks. It’s the time of year where a particular star - an unnamed one not located in any of the better-known, named constellations - is visible just over the horizon if the night is clear enough. With the help of a clever spell or two, the night is _always_ clear enough for Magnus.

The last time it was visible he thought that it looked dimmer than usual, but wrote it off as just a trick of his eyes. But now… now there’s no denying that the star is much fainter than it was the last time he saw it over the Brooklyn skyline. It’s fading.

Magnus remembers the first time he ever saw it. When he was young, just a child by normal mortal standards never mind in comparison to the lifetimes he would come to live, his mother would take him to the top of a small hill near their home and they would find this star together. She’d spot it first and give him directions, leading the way from one form to another before he spotted it, distant and dim compared to the others but there, always there. He remembers asking her what its name was and he remembers her reply that it didn’t have one. That’s why it was her favorite: because everyone always looked for the brightest stars in the sky and she wanted to make sure someone looked for this one, too, to give it the same attention and admiration as all the rest.

On the nights he misses her the most he portals himself to that hill and finds her star there, almost able to feel her standing next to him, to hear her laugh like he remembered her doing when he made up names they might call it since it didn’t have one of its own.

It isn’t the last physical reminder he has of her, but it’s the last positive one. So many of his memories of his mother are faded or tainted with guilt, but not this one. This is one of the few truly happy associations he has of his childhood, and now even that is fading away despite his best efforts to will it otherwise.

“Magnus?”

He hadn’t heard the door to the roof open, or the footsteps as Alec approached. Magnus pulls his gaze away from the sky and turns to face his boyfriend, only to furrow his brows when Alec’s face looks back at him full of concern.

“What’s wrong?” Alec asks him, hesitating a few feet away rather than clearing the rest of the space between them. Magnus is about to ask him what he means when he sees Alec’s eyes fall on his face and stay there, making Magnus suddenly aware of the feeling of wet tear tracks down his cheeks.

He’d been crying.

Magnus wiped at his cheeks hastily, carefully swiping in a half-circle under each eye to clear any eyeliner or mascara that may have run there.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he says just as quickly, even though he knows Alec isn’t going to believe him.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Alec reassures him, moving closer now until he can reach out and take Magnus’ hands in his own to give them a comforting squeeze. “I guess you probably came up here to be alone, but… but you can if you want.”

Magnus hesitates, looking back up at the sky. “See that star?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” Alec says, moving to stand beside him and look up in the general vicinity of where Magnus is pointing.

“Okay, there’s that straight line of four bigger stars,” he starts, waiting for Alec to spot it. “Then a smaller cluster above the last one, a little triangle of brighter stars. If you look directly up from there, the next star you see is just… there.”

“The really dim one?” Alec asks, and Magnus winces, reminding himself that Alec doesn’t know that’s the very reason for the tears he was so concerned to see.

“That’s the one,” Magnus says, a sad fondness to his tone. “My mother and I used to go outside every night it was in the sky and find it together. It’s been fading, burning out more and more every year, but this time…” he can feel the words catch in his throat and swallows back the swell of emotion, willing his voice to be much more steady than he feels. “I’m afraid this might be the last year I get to see it before it fades entirely.”

He doesn’t have to say what that means to him. Alec gives his hand, the one Magnus didn’t let go of to point out the star, a tight squeeze.

“Thank you for showing it to me,” is all Alec says, and Magnus gives his hand a squeeze back.

They stand together on the roof in silence until Magnus finally turns his gaze from the sky back to Alec.

“It’s late, isn’t it?” he asks, not sure how late it was when Alec first came up here looking for him and suddenly aware that it’s been a considerable amount of time since then. Alec would stand up there in the cold and the dark until sunrise with him, of that Magnus has no doubt, but they both have to be up early the next morning for work and Magnus reminds himself that the star isn’t going to fade away overnight.

“Let’s go to bed,” Magnus says finally, turning to lead them back inside with one final glance over his shoulder, just in case.

\---

Magnus continues to look at the stars every night from that day on. Sometimes Alec joins him, other times he’s asleep before Magnus comes back inside. On the bad nights, Alec wakes up to an empty bed in the early morning hours only to find Magnus asleep on a hammock he conjures to the rooftop during the long hours he can’t seem to pull himself away.

Alec never once tries to convince him to come inside, he only ever joins him, standing by his side as a comforting presence for as long as Magnus needs it.

On cloudy nights Magnus casts a spell to see the sky beyond the obstructions and when the time comes that the start is no longer visible in his own night sky he portals himself to somewhere it is, just for a moment every night.

The star - his star, his mother’s star, _their star_ \- continues to fade.

The night it vanishes from view completely Magnus stares up at the empty space in the sky and cries. He cries until the sun rises and the lingering tears on his cheeks are dried by its warm rays.

Magnus always finds it strange how much weight memories hold. You think that something is so important to you that you’ll keep it in your heart and mind forever, but sometimes… sometimes things lose focus. The color of a lover’s eyes grows less defined, the sound of their laugh quiet and indistinct, until you can’t recall it anymore. This star, Magnus knows, is more than just a star. It’s a physical tether, a constant reminder, and without it… 

He’s terrified this is the start of him losing the last happy moments of his childhood forever. 

When he arrives back at the loft Alexander is waiting for him. He doesn’t have the look of someone who woke up early with the dawn but rather the look of someone who still hasn’t gone to sleep from the night before. Magnus supposes his text the night before telling Alec not to wait up for him immediately followed by insisting he didn’t want any company was less reassuring than he intended.

Thinking idly that Alec should be at work by now Magnus is surprised, but relieved, to find him here instead. As much as he didn’t want the company last night he doesn’t particularly want to be alone just then. He meets Alec’s gaze with a sad smile, knowing that Alec understands from just that one look and that he doesn’t _have_ to say it out loud... but he does anyway.

“It’s gone.”

Alec nods, silently crossing the room to wrap his arms around Magnus and hold him tight. He pulls Magnus against his chest with all the strength he has and shows no signs of letting go any time soon, especially not after the tears Magnus thought were gone return with a vengeance to soak the shoulder of his boyfriend’s t-shirt.

“I have something for you,” Alec says when they finally pull apart sometime later. Alec reluctantly moves away, giving Magnus ample time to stop him from leaving if he doesn’t want to be left alone for even a second, before disappearing into their bedroom. A moment later he returns with a small box, looking nervous as he hands it to Magnus with no further explanation.

Magnus opens the box, his eyes falling on a golden necklace chain with two pendants at the bottom. One is a flat gold circle with black dots, some connected with lines, which he immediately recognizes as the sky around his star. He spots the four in a row nearly centered, always his starting point when he showed Alec where it was before Alec learned to find it on his own, then the triangle cluster, and then--

His breath catches in his throat as he runs his finger over the small indent of that particular star etched into the metal. “Alexander…” Magnus says, his voice soft and full of awe.

There’s another pendant that rests on top of the first, this one a dark glass ball set inside a golden ring. Magnus looks at it curiously.

“It’s a light projection necklace,” Alec explains. “You shine a light through it, and it projects the image inside onto the ceiling, or the wall, or whatever you want.”

Magnus already knows what it’s going to be but he immediately holds it above his head and conjures up light to shine through it, projecting the same set of stars onto the ceiling above. With a little touch of magic, the ceiling turns a deep blue-black, and the stars glitter above them in the living room.

There are fresh tears in his eyes when he shifts his gaze away from it and back to Alexander. It’s the most thoughtful gift he’s ever received, which of _course_ it is, because Alexander is the most thoughtful person he’s ever had the pleasure of loving. Alec’s ability to know exactly what he needs, to read him like an open book and do his best not to push too much or walk away for too long is something Magnus is increasingly grateful for with every passing day.

“I know it isn’t the same, but-” Alexander starts, but Magnus cuts him off

“It’s perfect,” Magnus says. “Thank you, Alexander.”

Alec smiles, soft and proud, and walks over to take the necklace from him and carefully clasp it around his neck. All the tension and sadness Magnus felt that morning melts away as the pendants fall to rest comfortingly against his chest.

“I think we could both use some rest,” Magnus says finally, and they both make their way down the short hallway to the bedroom.

Just before they fall asleep Magnus takes the necklace off, using his magic to light the projection once more. He feels Alec’s arm tighten around his waist as he pulls Magnus closer. Just like that, he falls asleep under the light of the stars and in the arms of a love that he knows are both his to take solace in forever.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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